Over the years with 'Tasha I have grown accustomed to people telling me "Oh you're such a good dad..." because I took 'Tasha to another IEP, or doctors visit or something. I've always felt deeply uncomfortable with this, for one, is the bar so low for fatherhood in this culture that merely doing the decent thing qualifies one for "dad of the year' status? And on a deeper level I feel somehow fraudulent, a voice in my head asks: "well if you're such a great father, why is your kid messed up?” In some weird way being complemented on caring doesn't always register as a compliment. I realize folks mean their remarks in a nice way, but the compliments that make me feel good are the ones about 'Tasha. If someone says: "Hey your kid is doing OK", or ""Tasha did a good job at this or that” ....that feeling of pride can bring me to the brink of tears.
I don't really know if I am a good father or not. I know I am flawed, and have made mistakes, and loose my temper with 'Tasha all too often. I also know that I have never once wished that she were not here, and I can't imagine ever giving up on her. I think that’s what fathers are meant to do.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Rules
I've thought a lot about how to approach writing this story... and it seems clear that nothing less than complete honesty will be useful to anyone else. I will try my best to tell the truth as we go forward. I am old enough to know that brutal honesty is most often more brutal than honest, and I will apply a standard of leaving out any deliberate insult, attack, or hurtful statement about any identifiable person. That should leave enough wiggle room for the occasional scurrilous remark about the educational/medical/government/industrial complex that children like 'Tasha get caught up in.
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